how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
