She's JV to your varsity
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
