I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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