how can u be prego again
My first STD was from a foam party
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
