i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
