but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
