girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
