Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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