I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
