the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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