OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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