i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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