im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So squirting runs in the family.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
