dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
