a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
