can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
