I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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