So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
