Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
