Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
