She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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