So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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