apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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