my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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