Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
