I need help removing her.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
