After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
