apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
