I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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