She's JV to your varsity
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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