You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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