Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
