I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
