Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
