I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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