oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
