Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
