I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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