i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
