i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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