3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
