Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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