Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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