She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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