I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
