Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
