After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
