there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
