Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
