dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
